BLOG 1/12/18. “I AM NOT SOME OTHER REAL OR IMAGINED SAINT …”

Did you ever have some self-doubt about who you were, or what was your place in God’s design? I have. I was the little brother behind two very gifted older brothers, and was always being compared to them, which created in me something of an inferiority complex. I was also a dreamer, which caused my mind to wander in school classes. I am also an introvert, but as a pastor-teacher in the church for over half a century, that thrust me into an extrovert role. I am also something of futurist, which plays on my ‘dreamer’ proclivity. I was always dreaming about what I wanted to be and how far I fell short. I read of the lives of many of the renowned Christians, the saints, in the church’s history, and wondered what formed them and how I could, somehow, become a fruitful saint in my own right. All the while, I was journaling my prayers.

Somewhere, about twenty years ago, some thoughts came together about who I was. It was provoked by a reflection by the space-traveler, Ransom, in C. S. Lewis’ science-fiction Perelandra, and which appears in the prayer that follows at the end of this reflection in a para-phrased form (in case some of you recognize Lewis fans recognize it). I am taking the liberty of sharing this with you, which I rehearse at least once a week. I hope it may help some of you.

I am not some other real or imagined saint, …

I am myself in Christ, unique child of the Father …

Not somehow, somewhere, not when or if,

Not there or then …

But here and now,

These circumstances,

These persons,

This place and this moment. 

This is when and where

I am to be the very glory of God,

His enchanted, truly human person,

This moment, then, is a sacred time and place,

This moment in which I find myself.

It will never return. Life is today.

Come Holy Spirit!

Hallowed be Thy Name.

I’m quite certain that I am not the only one of God’s children who has struggled, and does struggle with the mystery of one’s place in God’s design. Maybe some of you can comment on your response to this reflection. I would so appreciate it.